The Warrior In Me

Years ago when my momma chose the name "Kelly" for me, I wonder if she somehow innately knew what kind of girl I'd turn out to be.  I mean when I first picked up a baby name meaning book when I was probably 10 or so, I remember being slightly annoyed when I found all my friends names meant all these dainty girly things and I was seemingly relegated to "female warrior".  However, as time has gone on...  I've developed a sense of pride over this more aggressive sort of name, because I feel it suits my personality. 

Now, having said that...  I feel if someone just met me on a street they would probably see me as a gentle and docile sort of person.  I don't think this assessment would be a mistake, but when I feel as if my sense of justice has been affronted, a sort of mania sets in, and I find myself self-medicating (even for days) by arguing my case against the aggressor.  By using reason, I can generally assuage my thirst.  In most cases, that's all that is warranted, but in others, I feel as if more action is necessary and never satisfied to be anyone's victim, I do all that I can to make it right, even if it's as simple as writing a letter.

But what is a girl to do when the battle is not necessarily hers to fight? 

What if those "slings and arrows" are being aimed at the one you love dearest and best? 

Where should the line be drawn between avid supporter and bizarre helicopter "mom"?

Apparently in the outside world, it's not uncommon for the water cooler talk to consist of rumors about the extracurricular activities of co-workers, and to a certain extent, I can understand that.  However, when your employer steps in to take action to silence these rumors, as ill-conceived as they may be, it seems as if there is a level of professional courtesy that should be extended.  For example, if your manager tells you that s/he knows that nothing is going on, is it really necessary to chastise you by telling you to have no contact with the other person - even to the detriment of your job related duties?  Personally, I would say no.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that it actually makes the situation worse, because it gives some odd credibility to the unsubstantiated rumors.

Bottom line: There is a better way to handle such a situation than backhand your employees as you smile.  For example, you could emphasize the need for one party to focus on another area and encourage him/her to consult someone else for assistance.  In my mind, this would avoid the potential defamation of character that seems inevitable when you reprimand. 

Of course, a real slick touch is to do these things "off-the-record", so you can be a jerk and seemingly get away with it.

Tact is not always easy, and despite what some of my favorite TV shows and movies might try to lead me to believe, being a manager isn't either.  But if time and time again, you as a manager prove to be lacking in tact - in fact, I might go so far to say as if you don't even care to try...  I might question your qualification for your position.

Gimme Three Steps....

I have no way of knowing if Coop knew about his 9-month check-up beforehand, but somehow he managed to sneak in 3 whole steps on his lonesome the day before.   It was just about the most shocking thing to happen round these parts.   He's been cruisin' around on the furniture and intermittently standing on his own for a good while now, but as we'd been reminded repeatedly over these last couple of months, Brad had done the same thing at about the same age, only to wait until he was around 13 months or so to really get in a few solo steps.  Well, Brad was supporting Coop's stand as both Brad and I were sitting on the floor, and then all the sudden, I have a happy little man walking toward me - ON HIS VERY OWN!  He got in a good three steps before he reached me and that little feat seemed to satisfy his wanderlust for the moment, so Brad and I just stared at one another in amazement of what we'd just seen.  To everyone else, I'm sure it sounds mundane, but that moment was truly special.  No more solo steps since that day as of yet, but you just never know with this kid.

Coop's check-up went well.  He weighed in at 22 lbs. 3 oz. and they measured his height at about 29 1/4 in.  At this point, I must add the swell of pride that I felt when the mother of an adorable 1-year-old remarked on how big Coop is for his age.  Yes, I realize that there are other children who are of similar age and build, but please forgive me for still being as proud of him as if his growth was a singular sort of feat.  I could have hugged the nurse who joked about his D-1 prospect potential, because you see I eat that sort of stuff up! 

Clearly an afterthought...

So almost as soon as I posted my last blurb, a thought dawned on me.  These "absentee comparisons" also seem to arise in general conversations particularly when children are involved.  I can be engaged in the most perfectly delightful conversation and then WHAM!  Here comes the "my grand/kid is better than your kid".  To be clear, that phrase is never uttered, but it is very much implied.  Perhaps some folks aren't as overly sensitive to crap like that as I apparently am, and I'm pretty well aware that the things that are said in these moments are just a way of making conversation and perhaps relating to the other person, but after so many years of basically trying to figure out my worth in comparison to others, I find the whole thing quite taxing, so as much as I might enjoy the company otherwise...  I take great comfort in my later "hermitude" and being able to appreciate my wee man for the joy he is in his own right.

In later conversations on this subject, I was accused of not being positive enough and that I listen for anything that sounds like a slight so I can use it to further beat-up my self-image.  Perhaps it's just denial, but I tend to disagree with that assessment.  I heartily enjoy observing the various aspects that make up the wonderful people I call friends, and rarely do these perceived slights cause my opinion of the person involved to be diminished in any way.  I am not a social butterfly who revels in the company of a group as I prefer direct interactions which crowds do not always allow, but I do enjoy watching the way that different personalities come together as it can be so enlightening about the individuals involved.

As to my battered self-image, I'm not quite certain that the description is accurate.  Do I have insecurities?  Yes.  Am I unable to recognize my own worth?  No.  Having said that, it is not uncommon for me to wonder why it seems like other people don't necessarily share the same opinion of me as I have of myself.  As I write this, am I quite aware of how crazy this sounds?  You betcha, but it doesn't change the fact that I think these things.  God created each of us with our own strengths and weaknesses, and I do my best to keep up with mine & keep them in check, so I do as little harm to others as humanly possible.

And now perhaps I can get some rest...

Can See Clearly Now

Well, after a month's "deliquency" so to speak, I have returned to give an update and ramble a bit - nothing particularly unusual about that.

First and foremost, Coop's eyes have appeared to clear on their own. We learned this at his appointment on the 15th of June (a business trip for Daddy caused the postponement). The doc went on to say that his eyes appeared to be developing normally and that he didn't appear to need glasses at this time. At any rate, three cheers for no surgery!

Coop has also reached another milestone... his first overnight stay without Momma and Daddy. Brad and I had been invited to a retirement party for two of the nicest people in the department and rather than take a chance of how he might react to a large group of "strangers", we decided we would let Mammaw and Pappaw keep him while we went. Because the party was set to begin at 7 and we weren't sure how long we'd stay (not to mention the fact that we didn't care to rush about anyway), we decided that it might just be better to try letting him spend the night. Knowing that Coop was in trusty hands, we had a wonderful time - shoot even felt like a date. It was just rather nice to fix up and have a "night on the town". It could just be because I'm still working hard to eat healthier and stay on my calorie budget (if you have an iPhone/Touch, I HIGHLY recommend LoseIt!), but I have NEVER tasted such delicious sushi in all my life. According to Mammaw's "report", Coop did very well with the exception of a brief crying fit because he was a bit overtired.

After the whirlwind of excitement that was our June, it was time to celebrate the 4th with family. It was a down-home good time with delicious food, beautiful scenery, and wonderful folks, but there was something that came out in some conversations that was rather troubling to me. Having such a large family, it's almost impossible to work it out so that everyone is able to be at the same place at the same time, so it's nice to hear what's going on with the folks who were unable to join us. However, when the news is delivered in such a way as to make comparisons rather than just straight facts, it can be so hurtful. The sad thing is that this sort of reporting has been around such events for as long as I can remember. Aside from this, the conversations are quite delightful, but being the nut that I am I suppose, I can't shake off these negative blips. It just makes me sad, because I like to think that family isn't supposed to do that, but... I can only control what I do and say.