The Warrior In Me

Years ago when my momma chose the name "Kelly" for me, I wonder if she somehow innately knew what kind of girl I'd turn out to be.  I mean when I first picked up a baby name meaning book when I was probably 10 or so, I remember being slightly annoyed when I found all my friends names meant all these dainty girly things and I was seemingly relegated to "female warrior".  However, as time has gone on...  I've developed a sense of pride over this more aggressive sort of name, because I feel it suits my personality. 

Now, having said that...  I feel if someone just met me on a street they would probably see me as a gentle and docile sort of person.  I don't think this assessment would be a mistake, but when I feel as if my sense of justice has been affronted, a sort of mania sets in, and I find myself self-medicating (even for days) by arguing my case against the aggressor.  By using reason, I can generally assuage my thirst.  In most cases, that's all that is warranted, but in others, I feel as if more action is necessary and never satisfied to be anyone's victim, I do all that I can to make it right, even if it's as simple as writing a letter.

But what is a girl to do when the battle is not necessarily hers to fight? 

What if those "slings and arrows" are being aimed at the one you love dearest and best? 

Where should the line be drawn between avid supporter and bizarre helicopter "mom"?

Apparently in the outside world, it's not uncommon for the water cooler talk to consist of rumors about the extracurricular activities of co-workers, and to a certain extent, I can understand that.  However, when your employer steps in to take action to silence these rumors, as ill-conceived as they may be, it seems as if there is a level of professional courtesy that should be extended.  For example, if your manager tells you that s/he knows that nothing is going on, is it really necessary to chastise you by telling you to have no contact with the other person - even to the detriment of your job related duties?  Personally, I would say no.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that it actually makes the situation worse, because it gives some odd credibility to the unsubstantiated rumors.

Bottom line: There is a better way to handle such a situation than backhand your employees as you smile.  For example, you could emphasize the need for one party to focus on another area and encourage him/her to consult someone else for assistance.  In my mind, this would avoid the potential defamation of character that seems inevitable when you reprimand. 

Of course, a real slick touch is to do these things "off-the-record", so you can be a jerk and seemingly get away with it.

Tact is not always easy, and despite what some of my favorite TV shows and movies might try to lead me to believe, being a manager isn't either.  But if time and time again, you as a manager prove to be lacking in tact - in fact, I might go so far to say as if you don't even care to try...  I might question your qualification for your position.