Am I a 10 yet?

So, my chief objective for this year was to "Be a 10 in 2010".  Weight loss wise I feel I've done a fine job.  Yes, I have about 10 more pounds to go till I make it to my perhaps idealized 145, but 60 pounds down isn't something at which you should scoff.  I'm proud of that much.  I'm proud that I've been able to exercise consistently for, oh, about 8 months.  That I've taken control of my eating - instead of letting it control me (even though it IS getting really hard to stick to my calorie budget when there are SOOOO many sweets about).

What I am disappointed in though.... is the fact that I am severely lacking in self-confidence.  I've never been so insecure.  Even though I know I'm not as big as I once was, I can't convince myself that I actually look thin.  I've always been this curvy girl.... and now the curves just don't seem dynamic enough or something.  I mean my waist never seems small enough even though my stomach is flat.  There are times when my "saddlebags" are extremely noticeable.  My body fat percentage is ONLY in the fitness range.  My BMI is ONLY 22.9...  When will it feel like enough?  When will I be good enough for myself?

Self-confidence comes from within.  My lack of self-confidence is my own fault, but I have to say that it certainly doesn't help when I see all these magazines and Victoria's Secret catalogs with models SO thin.  I mean THEY look thin.  I just feel like I still look so big by comparison.  I mean in my mind the fact that I'm a 6 going on a 4...  just isn't good enough.  That's sick.

My main goal for 2011 is to work on my self-image.  This has prompted me to start looking for articles and the like to get me in this positive frame of mind... to accept my body as the unique thing of beauty that it is.  One of the articles I've come upon is from Glamour of all places:  "These Bodies are Beautiful at Every Size"

Sure, I can see where it's more aesthetically pleasing to look at thinner people...  it seems like an insane industry where I would be bordering on being "plus-sized".  I always thought it was stupid that being a 12 made you plus sized when I was a 12 and I still think so.  It's good to promote a healthy lifestyle for men and women, but if the bar is set so unrealistically high so that you must be SUPER thin to be recognized for being fit, doesn't it seem to logically follow that people just give up?  I mean we have more overweight and obese people in this country than ever before.  Yes, I know I personally overindulged in food, so that even when I exercised, I was still getting too many calories, and I don't doubt that people need to learn a bit more self-control....  but I must admit that it's reassuring when people realize that we need to re-examine how we as a society define beauty.