No room for petulance

Training has continued to go pretty well in spite of the fact that I now have two bum big toes.  During my 20 minute runs, I have managed to improve my speed just a few seconds even with longer run intervals (8 minutes), and I'm curious as to what I'll find when the intervals are increased to 10 minutes on Thursday.  My long run last Saturday was really quite fun as I once again got to venture out with my hubby, and we were able to push one another's limits even if the average speed was a little slower.  The neat thing about it is that we were pretty close to making the 5K distance in the time that was allotted (30 minutes).  Well, at the very least, a lot closer than we would have been a few weeks ago.

After our run on Saturday, we once again ventured into Oxford for an Ole Miss football game at what seemed an unreasonable hour - kickoff was at 11:22AM.  If you follow such things, you know that it was a terrible game for Ole Miss fans particularly, but I learned two important PERSONAL lessons: 1) if you don't plan on eating at a lunchtime game, make sure you eat more for breakfast - and do NOT allow yourself to go with a calorie deficit; 2) stay well hydrated.  By the third quarter, I had "cotton-mouth" despite the fact that Brad was generous enough to share his water (as I blew through my bottle in the first half) and felt nauseous.  I hated to run out on our boys, but I felt like I might not make it back to the car at all if I did not leave with about 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter.  We stopped by the Rebel Shop and picked up a couple bottles of Powerade.  There was no friendly sprint back to the car...  it was all I could do to make it back to the car, where I just soaked up the cool air from the A/C.  Later, that night, I went into a terrible "freak out" session, but luckily, Brad was there and once he brought me some more water (I had been drinking like a fish ever since we returned home), I calmed back down & went back to normal.  Scary stuff. 

Of course, the most pressing thing on my mind as of late has no relation to either my training or lack of preparation for attending a game in the heat of the day.  Instead, it revolves around a seemingly simple concept: self-worth is self-evident.  Your worth is inherent from the moment you are created and is not derived from the perception of others or your own actions.  If you feel that the only way that you can feel secure in yourself is to put down another person, then you are setting yourself up to be disappointed in the long run. 

In some form or fashion, we are all products of our pasts (even though our actual value is a separate thing entirely).  Some people have experienced more pain and suffering than others, but you have a choice: you can let these bad things keep you down or you can rise above them.  You can assume that everyone is out to get you or give folks the benefit of the doubt.  I personally prefer the latter.  That certainly doesn't mean that I am confident all people like me, but I do my best to bring reason back into the equation.

However, if I am unable to convince myself that a person meant no harm, then I will more than likely take action.  If I have done wrong by another person, then I have no problem apologizing for my actions, and believe me when I say that I will dwell on it for longer than I should.  However, I will refuse to apologize for your ignorance.  I will feel no remorse for something I did not do.  When you feel you are unable to obtain the type of relationship that you desire with another person because of my relationship with that person - not because I have done anything to impede its development but merely because I exist, I will not apologize.  If you want something, put in the "legwork".  I will do my best to help you in any way that I can to obtain what you desire, but I will not accept childish petulance or any reference to what someone else has done to you.  If you want respect from me, treat me with respect.  Regardless of what you do, I will make the best of a bad situation, but believe me when I say this... my self-worth will stay intact.

On a lighter note, the smell of baked pumpkin mixed with cinnamon, nutmeg, & ginger is really quite intoxicating....  Looking forward to an Autumn Smoothie.